Okay, so this a lost post from the dark ages and I can't quite remember how this goes but here it is.
The source of unnecessarily useless servers, kelvinpw, had once again graced me with a Dell PowerEdge 2950. Yes, that 2950. Unlike the 2850 of the last two Crusades, this one has a SAS backplane powered by a Dell PERC 6/i. Yes, the crappy one. But it worked for a while and I used it as a Proxmox host until I decommissioned it.